I am at a lost....
I am at a lost for words...
I am at a lost for actions...
I am at a lost for solutions...
I am at a lost for who I am.
It finally happened. It almost came out of nowhere last night. I went to the bathroom and things became a bit more than just spotting. I came back down. This is where I lost it.
I cried.
A lot.
Then even a bit more.
Soon I was in M's arms bawling.
Almost screaming amongst the tears.
"It's not fair"
"It shouldn't be this difficult"
But it is.
Then the worse part was came.
My teeth started chattering.
I wasn't cold.
My whole body started shaking.
I started hyperventilating.
I didn't know if I could stop.
I didn't know if I wanted to stop.
Part of me wished that I could just disappear. Just lose consciousness. Just to stop thinking for a little bit.
After much struggling and with the help of M I stopped. He was upset. He was scared. He didn't know what to do. I don't know what to do.
Today I am weak. My lungs are weak. I am emotionally exhausted. I just want this month to go away. This month was supposed to be the best month out of our almost 2 yrs of trying, not the worse.
I am at a lost for positive thoughts
I am at a lost for myself.
My heart is absolutely breaking for you. I wish I could be there with you in person...
ReplyDeleteI would give everything and anything in the world to make this happen for you. You two deserve it more than any other people I've met in my entire life.
I will not lose hope for this. I will not stop thinking of you constantly.
I love you and I'm thinking of you and hoping and praying for you.
Thanks Sloan- just having your support is enough! It's so hard when there is only a select few I can actually talk to about and not have to act like all is honky dorey! (However that is spelled haha)
ReplyDeleteThanks again- Love yah too!